Out of the Mouths of Babes

The other day, I was sitting in a mall food court reading a magazine I just bought while my bride was shopping. I like to sit, read and of course watch the world pass by. I have to admit, I am a people watcher. Some are obviously more pleasant to watch than others, but regardless, people are interesting to watch. While sitting there, I was watching this young girl writing furiously on pieces of paper. She would write something, scribble it out, write some more and then wrinkle up the paper and toss it in the garbage. This went on for about 30 minutes. She never got up, never tired but just wrote, tossed, wrote, tossed and wrote some more. At one point, with her tongue dangling from the corner of her mouth, she must have hit some inspiration for she wrote, without break, for a solid 15 minutes. Finishing her work, she read it over, scrunched her nose up, shook her head and tossed her masterpiece in the garbage. Just then, her mother and father showed up, took her by the hand and off they went to see Santa who was sitting just 40 yards away.

I know I should not have but curiosity got the best of me and I had to simply read what she had written. I had to. So, I nonchalantly strolled over to the garbage and lifted the paper from the top of the can. I decided to reprint her words her, unedited and unchanged. It will give you insight into the minds of some of our future leaders. When the time comes, this little girl will get my vote.

Dear Santa,

My name is Nicole Robinson and I am 6-years-old. I live in Bay Town, Texas and I am not looking forward to Christmas this year. It seems like everybody is upset and angry all the time including my mum and dad. Why are people so mean? What is impeachment exactly? That is all I hear on the T.V. these days. I am only a 6-year-old girl but I think I know that someone has to commit a crime to be punished. Right? I am not sure why people hate the President, but my mum and dad say he didn’t do anything wrong and there is absolutely no proof of anything. My dad said it is the first time in history that a Republican is being punished for the crimes committed by Demoncrats (as my mum calls them.) I am not sure what Demoncrats are but I don’t think they are too nice. It is funny that some people are so stupid that they believe, according to what mum and pop have taught me, that if the President in impeached, they think that means he is going to get kicked out of office and sent to jail right away. Are people that stupid or just mean spirited? Don’t they know Christmas is just a few weeks away?

Mummy was watching the T.V. this morning and some ugly man said that no one is above the law. Mum took one of her foam bricks and threw it at the T.V. I don’t know anything about some lady called Hillary Clinton, but according to mum, she broke laws like perjury (whatever that is), doing some bad things with secret information that has sent others to jail, letting her maid and lawyers read things they were not supposed to and let a very important man and some of his friends die over in Africa and then lied and tried to cover up what really happened. Mum said some tall po po man, knew she broke the law but said she really did not mean to do it. I am just a kid and don’t know a lot but that just doesn’t seem right. Maybe you could tell me. Mum got pulled over for speeding the other day and she told the po po she did not intend to speed but she got a ticket anyway.

Why do our so-called friends in Europe, in something called NATO, not like us anymore? My pop tells me a lot of them did not like President Trump “calling them out” and telling them to pay their money to be a part of the NATO team. My pop told me that out of 27 countries in this team, only five pay the amount of money they said they would pay according some treaty they signed. 2% of a country’s GDP (????) doesn’t seem like a lot, but as of 2017 only the US, Britain, Poland, Greece and Estonia pay what is required. I guess dead-beat countries hate being reminded of what they are. My mum sounds just like that stupid Greta girl when she says, “How dare you let the world know we are cheapskates.”

The way my pop speaks, I thought record low unemployment in our country, an increasing GDP (again????) and record job

creation was a good thing. If so, then why do those two crazy women, one called Waters and the other something like Peeloser hate the President so and not give him credit for fixing things the other guy didn’t? You would think they would be happy for him and for the country. I guess not. There’s another thing, Santa, I love oatmeal but I know enough to brush my teeth after I eat. Why does it always look like those two crazy women always have oatmeal stuck in the corners of their mouths. Yuk! Gross! Then what about the insane looking, white haired man who is always screaming? “Feel the burn,” they say. He never seems to make a lot of sense and even I can see that his math never works out, but some people seem to like him. My dad calls those people communists and socialists. Are those nice words? I don’t think so ‘cause when pop says them, mum just hits him with her elbow or throws one of her foam bricks at him.

Santa, is it okay to pretend to be someone or something you are not? I don’t mean like Halloween but make up things about your past just to get ahead in life? Who is this Liawatha lady who is running for President? Or as mum says, Feauxcohontas? What is GITMO? Don’t bad people live there? Why does she want to get rid of it? She seems “unhinged” as mum says. Why does she have to make such ugly faces when she talks? I can’t say what pop says about this. I still want some toys for Christmas. Also, what does “sleep your way to the top” mean? I am confused.

We were at the gun range the other day. Pop likes taking us there and he even let me shoot a gun a couple of times. I seem to always hit the target. My pop shouted, “Nicole, now that is what I call gun control!” My pop started talking about something going on in Virginia. He wouldn’t tell me. He, mum and pop’s Air Force and Marine Corps buddies were very secretive and I only picked up a couple of key words. Governor, jerk, Nazi, anti-constitution, bug-out bags, militia, 2nd Amendment, oaths to defend something, National Guard, Civil War and evil people coming to our house to steal our rights. I cannot remember anything more. Should I be scared, Santa? Why do these Demoncrats hate the Constitution so much? Why can’t they understand it? Didn’t they ever finish high school? I am 6 and I understand most of it. It really is not that hard, Santa.

Santa, after writing this, I guess I really want only one thing. Could you get a big net and capture all of these Demoncrats who hate America and take them to the Island of Misfit Toys and let King Moonrazor watch over them? I guess that is all I want but I will take a Boxer puppy as well. Thanks, Santa for reading my

letter and I will be sure to put some milk and cookies out for you on Christmas Eve.

Yours,

Nicole Robinson

PS – Don’t bring my brother Tommy anything. He is mean to me all the time.

Out of the mouths of babes! Rock on, Nicole!