The people's voice of reason

A Commentary on Marriage

Sometimes things are on my heart and I find an urge to write about them. Often times it is the death of a loved one or a close friend that tugs at my heart. With the wedding season almost upon us and a recent experience I have a strong urge to write on marriage.

Now I am certainly no pro on the subject, in fact maybe I am a failure having had a prior marriage. I must say I envy those with long marriages such as that of my parents that lasted sixty-two years until the death of my mother. But after a failure you have to pick up and do better if there is a next time.

For me, my second chance came in 2006 with my marriage to Jennifer. I was looking for a woman that loves the Lord and is a family person (among other things). Well I hit 100% on that. In 2012 she gave me my only natural child, a son and I must say it is a blessing from God. I have raised three stepsons, all of whom I love like my own but God knew the little secret desire for my own child and He made it happen when I never thought it was a possibility.

I know that I have been a trial for my wife. I like to be in control of things. While I listen to her regarding needs for our family or home I sometimes catalog them and don’t act on the initiative if I don’t feel the timing is right, often because it is a large purchase and I want to try and stay poised for that unexpected thing that would strain our savings.

Both of us know that our marriage can use improvement and we have both been receiving emails from Family Life regarding their “Weekend to Remember”. It seems those weekends have always been at a fair distance from home. A few months ago we learned one would be in Montgomery in February. We signed up, even to stay in the host hotel downtown. I didn’t really know what to expect but I had read reviews even from those on the brink of divorce whose marriages had been renewed. And being a guy sometimes you don’t want to get touchy feely on things that seem ok.

While I can’t adequately describe the experience I must say I have a renewed love for my wife. At one point we were told to look at each other and say “you are not the enemy”. It was worth a chuckle, but the more I thought about it I

realized those times when we have differing opinions doesn’t mean we become adversaries, we figure out a better way to communicate and work it out. There were over seven hundred people at the conference, several from maybe 7-8 other states. These were couples, a few engaged and even a few dating that were willing to learn God’s plan for husbands and wives. While it is a Christ centered conference, there was no pressure on anyone who was not a Believer. As I looked at the group, people of all ages and races I realized these are committed men and women that love their spouses or potential mates. While it is a known fact that there is an absence of men in many homes, I saw men that are not the ones counted as a statistic. I sometimes read such statistics about African American men; about half of the men at the conference were African American. From what I saw, I saw a very healthy representation of African American men that love their wives and families. I see an example in Montgomery, Alabama to men of all races and I think that the naysayers need to take notice of those that aren’t that bad statistic that we hear about.

The conference covered subjects such as why marriages fail, communication, fighting, what marriage is all about, even sex. If you read your Bible you will learn God made sex, even great sex for married couples. It included a men’s only section, a women’s only section and the subject of legacy. When my son and I pray at night he will sometimes ask when I use the word “legacy” in prayer. You know the Mannings have a great football legacy (Archie, Peyton and Eli). But you know there were Godly family members before me and at this stage of life one of the important things to me is praying for a Godly legacy to be passed to my sons, to their sons and daughters and their sons and daughters. While it’s not praise that I seek, I very much want the stories passed down about how grandparents and great grandparents have prayed for a Godly legacy for grandchildren that they will never know on earth but for whom have been lifted up to God many years before they make an appearance on earth. I can say my wife and I have a bigger smile when we are together and we both know things will only get better. To top off the weekend, the marrieds turned and looked at one another. Even among all of those present as a potential distraction all I saw was my sweet wife’s face as I looked into her eyes. Then one of the pastor faculty had us renew our vows to each other. I felt the same big grin on my face that I felt almost a dozen years ago and I saw the same angelic face, this time shedding a small tear as we renewed the same promises to each other. Family Life has conferences all around the country and even a scheduled cruise around Valentine’s next year.

­I love my wife; love your spouse- they are not your enemy.

This article is informative only and not meant to be all inclusive. Additionally this article does not serve as legal advice to the reader and does not constitute an attorney- client relationship. The reader should seek counsel from their attorney should any questions exist.

"No representation is made that the quality of legal services performed is greater than the quality of legal services performed by other lawyers."

Mailing address:

Ronald A. Holtsford, Esq.

Ronald A. Holtsford, LLC

7956 Vaughn Road, Box #124

Montgomery, AL 36116

(334) 220-3700


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