SCotUS: What Would Solomon Do?

Many thanks for all the wonderful correspondences on my Christmas 2021 column: Christ is Born, Glorify Him! Pleasantly surprised how many included kind inquiry on my “Tough Roe to Hoe” column [https://www.alabamagazette.com/story/2021/10/01/opinion/tough-roe-to-hoe/2231.html] evoking Solomon’s wisdom. This third king of Israel reigned circa 968-928 BC, heralded for his wise judgments. One of the more notable Solomon decisions I wanted readers to recall comes from 1 Kings 3:16-28 reproduced (New American Standard Bible) below:

16Then two women who were prostitutes came to the king and stood before him. 17The one woman said, “Pardon me, my lord: this woman and I live in the same house; and I gave birth to a child while she was in the house. 18And it happened on the third day after I gave birth, that this woman also gave birth to a child, and we were together. There was no stranger with us in the house, only the two of us in the house. 19Then this woman’s son died in the night, because she lay on him. 20So she got up in the middle of the night and took my son from beside me while your servant was asleep, and she laid him at her breast, and laid her dead son at my breast. 21When I got up in the morning to nurse my son, behold, he was dead! But when I examined him closely in the morning, behold, he was not my son, whom I had borne!” 22Then the other woman said, “No! For the living one is my son, and the dead one is your son.” But the first woman said, “No! For the dead one is your son, and the living one is my son.” So they spoke before the king. 23Then the king said, “The one says, ‘This is my son who is living, and your son is the dead one’; and the other says, ‘No! For your son is the dead one, and my son is the living one.’” 24And the king said, “Get me a sword.” So they brought a sword before the king. 25And the king said, “Cut the living child in two, and give half to the one and half to the other.” 26But the woman whose child was the living one spoke to the king, for she was deeply stirred over her son, and she said, “Pardon me, my lord! Give her the living child, and by no means kill him!” But the other woman was saying, “He shall be neither mine nor yours; cut him!” 27Then the king replied, “Give the first woman the living child, and by no means kill him. She is his mother.” 28When all Israel heard about the judgment which the king had handed down, they feared the king, because they saw that the wisdom of God was in him to administer justice.

Relishing a break from writing more “Boob & Mike Show” episodes or “Malice in Hubbardland” chapters, I submit dialog for a Judge Solomon Show I pray readers would find more substantive than the usual TV fare broadcast by Judge Judy, et al.

Solomon, Third King of Israel: So Mary, you come before my court for an abortion order to fatally evict the recently discovered child from your womb.

Mary of Magdalene, Texas: Yes your Excellency. My body, my life and my property; My choice.

Solomon: Where’s your physician (theatrically scanning the faces in his court for effect) to provide evidence that allowing this child to reside in your body, on your property, puts your life in great danger?

Mary: I can’t provide any physician willing to do this your Excellency. [Mary tried relentlessly to find a physician to lie on her behalf, but all feared the skills of King Solomon’s cross-examination and discipline for malfeasance in his court] It’s just NOT fair!

Solomon: In keeping with your sense of ‘fairness’ Mary, shall I call for my sword to slice you and the child into equal halves... each half to bear the consequences of your freedom of choice?

Mary: No! I’ll simply flee (looking down still contemplating the severity of this radical egalitarianism) to Sodom, Mexico or Gomorrah, Kansas...

Solomon: You may be able to flee Mary, but no killing of this sort will be allowed or subsidized in my kingdom. The righteous abhor murdering any soul property owners want evicted, no matter the trespasser’s or unwanted squatter’s age. Given your prior “No!” answer, it is easy to imagine you in trespass or squatting would not want to be murdered. Do you have anything to add before the court decides?

Mary: No... (again looking down in disappointment)

Solomon: Mary of Magdalene’s request for fatal eviction is DENIED. I’m amending her petition to request proper eviction of this person from her property which is granted as of this date. Mary will be compensated for the remaining duration of this unwanted squatter, in other words, until born. Compensation is the same rate as my lowest grade infantryman provided housing, health care, etc. who may be called into hazardous duty. If, upon birth, Mary wishes to keep her child instead of relinquishment to clerics - she will be awarded custody and return of all compensation will be forgiven. Do you understand my decision and Spirit of fairness Mary?

Mary: Yes Excellency.

Solomon: Very well Mary, go forth in Peace and I pray to never see you again in this court under such circumstances.

I close in similar Spirit wishing all my cherished Alabama Gazette readers a prosperous 2022 filled with many blessings!

Postscript: thanks also to those who appreciated how difficult it was to write about someone I held in such high regard (Bo Jackson) supporting Felon Hubbard’s early release.

[https://www.alabamagazette.com/story/2021/11/01/opinion/bo-knows-corruption/2255.html] Observations on how efforts to block this column were every bit as strong and revealing as Hubbard’s (and his minions) efforts to redact and keep citizens in the dark are profoundly correct.