Tears & Laughter: Be Careful Which Cow You Cuddle!

I’m not saying we should go all the way back to Luckenbach, Texas…but honky-tonks may need to make a quick comeback because cow hugging has become one of the latest wellness trends.

I don’t think that there is anything CBD Oil can do for you if you cuddle the wrong cow.

The trend started in the Netherlands years ago after a Dutch farmer claimed cows to be very relaxed animals that do not fight or get into trouble. They are described as being patient and sweet.

So naturally, it gravitated to the United States and has become more popular during the COVID-19 pandemic. The exercise of hugging cows is believed by some to promote positive energy and reduce stress.

We apparently have become so lonely and bored in our society that we have taken to being affectionate with farm animals. It’s said to be therapeutic because of their warm body temperature. It takes several hours to get the full effect.

It runs $75 an hour if it sounds like something that might be fun for you.

Cows look relaxed because they are dumb.

They may have some instinct about themselves; they will protect their young and go toward a bucket of cubes if you shake it in front of them, but do not allow yourself to believe they are smart.

And they start fighting before they even wean from their mamas. There may be some rare special breed that likes to hug, but you are going to want to leave your average Hereford and Charolais alone. Maybe stay a few feet back from Longhorns, too. Cattle can be a little unpredictable. That’s why rodeos have clowns.

I’m not a vegetarian, and I am no cow hugger. I never have been that crazy about them myself. Like lots of people in Alabama, I am surrounded by them. Have been for years. I could talk with you about hay season and calving and market prices, but I don’t care for them. I am very appreciative of them, just not a huge fan of the cow.

If you have been thinking you might want to hug a cow, I kind of want to gently recommend you try hugging on a cowboy first – or girl…your preference. See if that helps. If not, and you are still lonely enough to want to grope around on a cow, you should probably call your preacher or the family doctor…not a farmer. Maybe there is a scripture or a prescription.

Cows are really big animals. They are so big their knees squeak when they walk. They eat around the clock. They don’t differentiate between day and night.

They aren’t going to talk to you or give a damn.

They will stomp you into the ground and not even have sense enough to know they have done it. They will just keep on munching. They are not capable of caring. So don’t play pretend and don’t go around hugging random cows.

Don’t do cow pastures like we tend to do cottonfields this time of year. Don’t pull over and run out to get a quick snuggle and pic with first fat heifer you see.

A mask can’t save you from what a cow can do to you.

They probably won’t give you Coronavirus, but they can kill you.

Amanda Walker is a contributor with AL.com, The Selma Times Journal, Thomasville Times, West Alabama Watchman, and Alabama Gazette. Contact her at Walkerworld77@msn.com or at https://www.facebook.com/AmandaWalker.Columnist.