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SCOTUS: What Would Solomon Do?

Many thanks for all the wonderful correspondences

on my Christmas 2021 column; Christ is Born, Glorify

Him! Pleasantly surprised how many included

kind inquiry on my “Tough Roe to Hoe” column [https://www.alabamagazette.

com/story/2021/10/01/opinion/tough-roe-to-hoe/2231.html] evoking

Solomon’s wisdom. This third king of Israel reigned circa 968-928 BC, heralded

for his wise judgments.

One of the more notable Solomon decisions I wanted readers to recall comes

from 1 Kings 3:16-28 reproduced (New American Standard Bible) below:

16 Then two women who were prostitutes came to the king and stood before

him. 17 The one woman said, “Pardon me, my lord: this woman and I live in

the same house; and I gave birth to a child while she was in the house. 18

And it happened on the third day after I gave birth, that this woman also gave

birth to a child, and we were together. There was no stranger with us in the

house, only the two of us in the house. 19 Then this woman’s son died in the

night, because she lay on him. 20 So she got up in the middle of the night

and took my son from beside me while your servant was asleep, and she laid

him at her breast, and laid her dead son at my breast. 21 When I got up in

the morning to nurse my son, behold, he was dead! But when I examined him

closely in the morning, behold, he was not my son, whom I had borne!” 22

Then the other woman said, “No! For the living one is my son, and the dead

one is your son.”

But the first woman said, “No! For the dead one is your son, and the living

one is my son.” So they spoke before the king. 23 Then the king said, “The

one says, ‘This is my son who is living, and your son is the dead one’; and

the other says, ‘No! For your son is the dead one, and my son is the living

one.’” 24 And the king said, “Get me a sword.” So they brought a sword before

the king. 25 And the king said, “Cut the living child in two, and give half

to the one and half to the other.” 26 But the woman whose child was the living

one spoke to the king, for she was deeply stirred over her son, and she said,

“Pardon me, my lord! Give her the living child, and by no means kill him!”

But the other woman was saying, “He shall be neither mine nor yours; cut

him!” 27 Then the king replied, “Give the first woman the living child, and

by no means kill him. She is his mother.” 28 When all Israel heard about the

judgment which the king had handed down, they feared the king, because

they saw that the wisdom of God was in him to administer justice.

Relishing a break from writing more “Boob & Mike Show” episodes or “Malice

in Hubbardland” chapters, I submit dialog for a Judge Solomon Show I pray

readers would find more substantive than the usual TV fare broadcast by Judge

Judy, et al.

Solomon, Third King of Israel: So Mary, you come before my court for an

abortion order to fatally evict the recently discovered child from your womb.

Mary of Magdalene, Texas: Yes your Excellency. My

body, my life and my property; My choice.

Solomon:Where’s your physician (theatrically scanning the faces in his court

for effect) to provide evidence that allowing this child to reside in your body,

on your property, puts your life in great danger?

Mary: I can’t provide any physician willing to do this your Excellency. [Mary

tried relentlessly to find a physician to lie on her behalf, but all feared the skills

of King Solomon’s cross-examination and discipline for malfeasance in his

court] It’s just NOT fair!

Solomon: In keeping with your sense of ‘fairness’ Mary, shall I call for my

sword to slice you and the child into equal halves... each half to bear the

consequences of your freedom of choice?

Mary: No! I’ll simply flee (looking down still contemplating the severity of

this radical egalitarianism) to Sodom, Mexico or Gomorrah, Kansas...

Solomon: You may be able to flee Mary, but no killing of this sort will be

allowed or subsidized in my kingdom. The righteous abhor murdering any soul

property owners want evicted, no matter the trespasser’s or unwanted squatter’s

age. Given your prior “No!” answer, it is easy to imagine you in trespass or

squatting would not want to be murdered. Do you have anything to add before

the court decides?

Mary: No... (again looking down in disappointment)

Solomon: Mary of Magdalene’s request for fatal eviction is DENIED. I’m

amending her petition to request proper eviction of this person from her property

which is granted as of this date. Mary will be compensated for the remaining

duration of this unwanted squatter, in other words, until born. Compensation is

the same rate as my lowest grade infantryman provided housing, health care,

etc. who may be called into hazardous duty. If, upon birth, Mary wishes to keep

her child instead of relinquishment to clerics - she will be awarded custody and

return of all compensation will be forgiven. Do you understand my decision

and Spirit of fairness Mary?

Mary: Yes Excellency.

Solomon: Very well Mary, go forth in Peace and I pray to never see you again

in this court under such circumstances.

I close in similar Spirit wishing all my cherished Alabama Gazette readers a

prosperous 2024 filled with many blessings!


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