Being Ghosted

It's a fairly new verb--"ghosted." Merriam-Webster added it in 2017. And I guess I did it.

I used a certain business for many years and then hit a rough patch. They were closed on a number of occasions, and I never seemed to know the schedule. In the meanwhile, I found another business with regular hours of operation and more conveniently located and began to use them.

This is what "ghosted" means. It normally applies to one who stops posting on social media or to removing someone as a media friend. But though a new term, it's been a reality in the church for a long time.

For example, we're often "ghosted" on Sunday morning.

The apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthians about a grievous problem in their church. He couldn't drop his work and travel to help them, but he wrote that he was "with you in spirit." And for years church members have quoted Paul.

"Preacher, I can't be with you Sunday, but I'll be there in spirit."

Thus, it's alleged we have a bunch of spirits floating around on Sundays, apart from the Holy Spirit!

But we've also had people over the years who ghosted us by not attending anymore. This was exacerbated during Covid-19 when most churches lost about 20 percent of regular attendees. But ghosting predated and outlived the pandemic.

I've known church members who disappeared for a few weeks. I'd call or see them out and about and tell them I've missed them.

"Oh, we'll be back. We've just had some things going on," they'd say.

And their absence continued. Later I'd get the impression there were issues and gently ask about any problems I could help with.

"Oh, we're not mad at anybody," they'd say, but they were mad at somebody.

Research reveals theological disagreement is the underlying conflict only about 10 percent of the time. Ninety percent of the time we disagree over personality issues.

Sometimes leaving is warranted, though I've always believed there are better reasons to leave a church. A move to a new community is one. I've known couples who have chosen different places of worship after a divorce. And I've known other believers who felt called to a new church plant to help another ministry grow in the area. All understandable.

However, I contend that honesty is the best policy. We need to sit down and discuss any problems and seek a way forward. If we can't find resolution, then at least we can pray and ask God's blessings on one another and be friends.

After all, scripture says we'll be one family in heaven, so Planet Earth is practice about how to get along as family. -30-

"Reflections" is a weekly faith column written by Michael J. Brooks, pastor of the Siluria Baptist Church, Alabaster, Alabama. The church's website is siluriabaptist.com.