A Story of Domestic Abuse and Overcoming it's Effect

Oct 01, 20250

Most of the time people think of domestic abuse as man beating a woman with bruises and scars that show on the outside. People don’t see or are not even aware of the abuse of a narcissistic spouse that constantly deflates you as a person. The constant criticism, the lowering of confidence and self-worth of a person. No, it does not happen suddenly, it happens slowly over a period of time. You are not even aware of the boundary line being moved further and further away, week by week. They will test you to see how far you are willing to go then they press on a little more over time. Isolation and control is what they seek. Yes, it is a slow and painful death of yourself, of your own will, of your spirit. You could never imaging being in this position. You feel the humility and shame. You become numb. You shut down and stop fighting for your own position because if you stand up for yourself the yelling begins. All you want is peace and quiet. To stop the noise, so, you just give in to keep the peace.

They will make you believe that you cannot make it without them. They will tell you lie after lie and convince you that you need them to survive in this world. The real truth is, you can overcome all this with one hard but necessary step. Get out! Leave! Flee with all your might! But, one day, when you have reached your limit of tolerance and you finally have had enough, you will leave. It won’t be easy, it will be the most difficult thing you ever do. It will take all the strength you have.

The day I left, he pointed a 38 revolver to the back of my head and threatened to kill me one more time. It became a routine thing by now that he threatened my life. He seemed to get a thrill out of scaring me. He seemed to want to kill me at least once a week. And I mean this was not because of something I did, no, he would just come home and come straight to me and threaten me for no reason. I had lived through so much fear and verbal abuse but it had become more and more violent and unprovoked. It seemed my silence was all that was needed to set him off.

Finally, from deep inside myself, I gathered the strength to leave. And I left everything. I knew if I left I would lose everything. My family, children, grandchildren, home, job and possessions. I knew if I called the Sheriff and had him put in jail, he would get out within 24 hours and come straight to me and kill me. He had been arrested before for violence on other people, he got out of jail that same day. So, I knew I could not do that and be safe. And so, I took what I could and just left. Fearing for my life; I stayed with friends for several weeks, trying to put pieces of myself back together. I felt like I was a burden to my friends. I felt so much shame for being in this position. I felt so lost and confused. But, it was not my fault. At the time I was in survival mode. I was just living each day on autopilot. Completely numb. I hated asking for help or asking my friends to hide me. But I knew in order to find safety and peace, I had to leave. I had to remove myself from the horror and violence. I had to protect myself.

I finally moved into my mother’s house – a place of refuge. But he was still next door and could see my every move. He would call, text or email me with his continued threats and tell me in detail of the things he would do to me. He would tell me he was watching my every move. His threats became more and more emphatic! He could not control me any longer and that made his rage even hotter.

I found help at the Family Sunshine Center. They gave me council for my broken spirit and the tools to help me rebuild my life without him. They referred me to the One Place Family Justice Center who were able to help me with my legal problems. Such getting a restraining order and getting him out of my house. Yes, it was MY house on MY land. But he still refused to leave!

I went through thousands of dollars and four attorneys to get to the place where I was able to be divorced and move back into my own house. I went to court six times. I filed for divorce and it took nine months before it was settled and signed. I filed for a restraining order. I filed for contempt of the divorce agreement. I filed for him to get out of my house. I filed for bankruptcy. I had no car, I had nothing but what I was able to move out in a one hour period that the Sheriff allowed that day, I took what I could. He made each step a hard fight.

But I did not give up! Are you asking why? I had God on my side. With each step I got stronger and smarter. I gained confidence in myself. Yes, I was angry and hurt, but I did not fight out of anger or pain or to get back at him. I was only fighting for what was right and what was rightfully mine.

You see, all the while this was going on, I lost my job. I had my elderly mother to care for and my brother who was sick. I was responsible for much more than myself. That is one reason I stayed so long and endured so much. After three months of searching, I found a great job. I continued to work hard and take care of my mother and brother. Then my oldest brother had a stroke, and I had to step in and be his caretaker also. Work, hospitals, nursing homes, and lawsuits were my new way of life. I focused on all of that and stayed in church. I kept my faith, read my bible and I prayed a lot! Now, all of this time, I still had fear and shame in my heart. But, when you are a victim of abuse, you learn to push the fear and pain down and focus on the task of the moment. That fear and pain would have to wait.

TWELVE YEARS LATER: with a LOT of therapy and hard work, I have become an independent and successful woman.

My mother and my two brothers have passed away. I have been left alone to make it in this world. But, guess what? I have become the strong woman I wanted to be. Because of my faith in God and through all the blessing he has given me. (Even though I do not feel like I deserve them.) That is why it is called Grace! I have survived all of this and I am a much more independent person. I have retired from my sixty hour a week job that paid so well and gave me back my independence and ability to pay my way out of the hole I was in. I was able to buy a car and pay bills again. I thank God every day for that job. I worked so hard, and it paid off. God gave me the strength and ability to do that.

I am retired now, but not unemployed, and still have two part time jobs that I love. (God has blessed me with these jobs also. I was not looking for a job. They came to me! By God’s grace!)

I spend time in my yard and on my property, tending to God’s beautiful landscape and animals. I spend time with my friends who have been there for me throughout my journey and to whom I am eternally grateful. I spend time in my church, giving back what I can and receiving much more from the Holy Spirit. I am so very thankful for my church and church family. I am so thankful for my faith and for prayers. (Prayers make big difference in the life of those you pray for!) I believe I have guardian angels watching over me. If not, I would be dead one hundred times over. I am here for a reason.

Maybe this story will help someone who is suffering at the hands of someone who abuses them. Maybe they are plain mean and hateful. Maybe they are on drugs and have become a completely different person than the one you knew before. Most of the time these people have their own demons that they are struggling with.

I do not hate him. I pray for him! That is all I can do for him now. I forgave him years and years ago. WHY? You ask, well it is because our God is a forgiving God. He forgave me of my sins. He gave his only son who was born in a manger and died a horrific death on the cross for me. He died and took our sins and pain on his shoulders and asked his father, GOD, to forgive us. So, I forgave him because I wanted to be forgiven! You see, you cannot be forgiven if you keep hate and rage in your heart. It has to be washed white as snow with the blood of Jesus. You have to put forth an effort to receive his blessings. You have to read the word and pray in order to understand how to live your best life.

My life was such a mess. I thought it was over. I had given up hope of ever making it or even surviving. But, I did not only survive, I THRIVED and OVERCAME because GOD lifted me up in his arms and carried me through!

Isaiah 40:31

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (NIV) 16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Romans 8:28 (NIV) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose

For Help Contact:

The Family Sunshine Center

858 S. Court St. Montgomery, AL 36104

24/7 Crisis Hotline:

334-263-0218 or 800-650-6522

*********

One Place Family Justice Center

530 S. Lawrence St. Montgomery, AL 36104

858 S. Court St. Montgomery, AL 36104

24/7 Crisis Hotline:

334-263-0218 or 800-650-6522