Auburn Greed 3.0: Chris Roberts Edition

Recent headlines coming out of Auburn University chronicle the ongoing metastasis of President Roberts’ cancer destroying this once great school of higher learning and athletics if we fail to remove this pollutant and his minions; (re)read my 5/1/24 Gazette column https://www.alabamagazette.com/story/2024/05/01/opinion/prof-roberts-theres-a-cancer-on-the-presidency/3257.html]. These past months indicate historically unprecedented levels of failure in football and the wholesale violation of 1st Amendment Rights. Competitiveness in football is uniquely critical to Auburn’s athletic programs and the freedoms enshrined in the 1st Amendment are fundamental to AU’s academic mission.

Unfortunately, Auburn’s football program has started three seasons in a row (2023, 2024, and now 2025) with four consecutive SEC losses. This record of athletic ineptitude has never occurred before in the long history of Auburn football; AU has been part of the SEC since its 1932 founding. Likewise, Auburn’s President recently put out a dubious letter in September announcing continued relentless violation of 1st Amendment Rights at Auburn. Already sued twice in federal court during the month of October [claiming malicious violation of 1st Amendment Rights] several more lawsuits against Roberts are being prepared for the docket. These current and pending lawsuits in the queue mirror the very serious and long-standing 1st Amendment case against President Roberts by the highly distinguished aerospace engineer, Prof. Joseph Majdalani.

This unprecedented level of AU dysfunction begs an updated understanding of monetary flows within this pathetically corrupted institution. Twice before (roughly eight years ago and again three years ago) asymmetrical raises analyzed within the institution exhibit a malignant ethos termed “The Auburn Greed.” This distorted version of the noble Auburn Creed due to the tyrannical grifting of infamous Auburn miscreants such as Bobby (FDIC Failure) Lowder, Mike (Felon of the House) Hubbard, Jimmy (YellaGrubber) Rane, and Steven (Crash) Leath, to name only a few of the ‘public servant’ parasites sucking the marrow out of AU’s legacy. Petrie’s classical [1943] Creed begins with the virtual sounding sentences:

“I believe that this is a practical world and that I can count only what I earn. Therefore, I believe in work, hard work.”

The Auburn Greed, consistent with the mercenary value system permeating throughout the AU administration, begins with the sentences:

“I believe that this is a corrupt world and that I can count only on what I steal. Therefore, I believe in theft, grand theft.”

The first/original installment of The Auburn Greed appeared in the March 2018 Gazette [https://www.alabamagazette.com/story/2018/03/01/opinion/the-auburn-greed/1301.html] and highlighted massive raises given to Jay Jacobs’ loyal henchman in order to artificially inflate their RSA retirement checks. By contrast, it was highlighted how Prof. Michael Stern was assigned dramatically smaller raises than most faculty and administrators in retaliation for his speech in the University Senate and the Wall Street Journal exposing corrupt curricular decisions at AU by athletic interests. Subsequent to the original article, a federal jury unanimously found in late 2022 Prof Stern had been given a zero pay raise in malicious retaliation for exercising 1st Amendment Rights.

President Roberts would not voluntarily repair Professor Stern’s salary; placed under an injunctive order by a federal judge in the summer of 2023 in relation to Prof. Stern’s salary. Furthermore, President Roberts’ sat by while the individual who carried out the malicious retaliation against Prof. Stern was not dismissed, but rather raised to the highest paid faculty member in College of Liberal Arts [CoLA] history at AU, currently making nearly $300K per year, approaching double the salary of comparable political science faculty. AU consistently signals the promise of lavish rewards to individuals assisting in acts of retaliation against those who exercise their constitutional rights. One might even cite they’re “carried far on the wings of Auburn corruption.”

The second installment [2.0] of The Auburn Greed appeared April 2023 [https://www.alabamagazette.com/story/2023/04/01/opinion/the-auburn-greed-20/2522.html] reporting the massive raise Dean Susan Hubbard, wife of Mike (Felon of the House) Hubbard, received in comparison to exemplary, more accomplished AU faculty. It exposed Dean Hubbard required an evaluation SEVENTY categories of merit higher than the highest category of faculty performance to justify her raise given the University’s claim of raise distribution according to relative merit. Besides this public servant’s obvious relation to Mike (Felon) Hubbard, Dean Hubbard oversees matters related to the notorious Rane Culinary Science Center, a taxpayer/student subsidized boondoggle more commonly known as ‘Hell’s Kitchen’ by those paying attention at AU. The 2.0 column further reported massive raises used to pay off additional AU employees who helped facilitate retaliation against Prof Stern for exercising his 1st Amendment Rights.

This recent high watermark of dysfunction in athletics and numerous de novo 1st Amendment lawsuits suggest the pattern and practice of raises exhibited in The Auburn Greed 1.0 and 2.0 continue. AU just announced a 3% raise pool, again allegedly based on “merit” and set to take effect for the new budget year which began October 1. Analysis of University salary files from before and after October 1st reveal raises distributed to various employees. Such an analysis indicates continued corruption consistent with prior columns. Many faculty of the highest possible merit show raises in the 3% range, amounting to little more than an inflation adjustment. Individuals with administrative authority generally show raises higher than the faculty, irrespective of their merit relative to the faculty. Every single department chair in the College of Liberal Arts [CoLA is among the most corrupt I’ve observed] appears to have a raise larger than the median faculty member in any of the departments. For example, the music department chair has a raise larger than a music faculty member who literally received a perfect performance evaluation. Even some of the worst performing administrators are somehow more meritorious than the most exceptional faculty. Some at AU commonly refer to this as the ‘plantation model’ in keeping with the ethos and deleterious spirit of The Auburn Greed.

Headlines addressing 1st Amendment violations under President Roberts’ reign compel one to compare his raises received versus those who’ve exercised and defended their basic civil rights. Salary files indicate Prof. Michael Stern received a 0% raise in keeping with past malicious retaliation for his exercise and defense of his rights. “Retaliator-in-Chief” President Christopher Roberts shows a whopping 6% raise! Noteworthy Roberts is a “public servant” State government official who already received a massive salary… more than double the US President - grift not included. Prior Auburn President Jay Gogue used to correctly say Universities are their faculty, and accordingly, he routinely requested the Board of Trustees not give him a percentage raise any larger than was being made available for the faculty. President Roberts doesn’t adhere to such an ethical, honourable request, further illustrating The Auburn Greed pervasive on the Plains.

Those indifferent w.r.t. Auburn’s academic mission may point out AU also has a sizable athletic component. The President is also responsible for the athletic arm of the institution and thus can play a role in his raises. Undoubtedly football is the pre-eminent sport dominating AU athletics, responsible for a huge portion of its budget. If we examine football’s performance under Roberts’ leadership compared to other Auburn Presidents, the results are revealing for the twelve AU Presidents since the SEC’s 1932 founding. Using historical data from sports-reference.com, one can estimate a SEC win % associated with each President. As of October 22, Auburn football had the lowest win % in SEC games under none other than…you guessed it; Christopher Roberts! The win % was below 25% for Chris Roberts, the lowest by far. This can be compared to win percentages of around 65% for esteemed individuals such as President Martin. Estimated SEC win percentages were also comfortably in excess of 50% for historically well-regarded presidents such as Muse and Philpot. Based on performance in athletics, one cannot credibly argue Roberts is due a raise greater than the faculty, but rather one might reasonably argue termination.

Only citing President Roberts as a beneficiary of The Auburn Greed decaying AU would be poor reporting. Analysis of recent salary files once again highlights wife of Mike (Felon of the House) Hubbard as the recipient of a raise reportedly even bigger than the outrageous raise she received in the second installment (2.0) of The Auburn Greed. This time, calculations indicate Dean Susan (Bride of Felonstein) Hubbard received a raise exceeding 8%! One can only imagine the type of scandals brewing behind the scenes at Jimmy Rane’s luxury “Hell’s kitchen” this Halloween... One wonders if there’s been corruption and self-dealing in terms of contracting? Gross financial mismanagement? Taxpayers covering large deficits? How expensive is it to keep canaries from singing?

Remarkably, Auburn football coach Hugh Freeze was recently quoted as saying he fits “what Auburn is all about.” If he means being massively overpaid while in a position of leadership, failing to perform, not taking personal accountability, throwing the little people under the bus, playing lots of golf, and kissing the ample posterior of Jimmy Rane makes him ‘fit in’ here at Auburn, then I wholeheartedly concur. Hugh Freeze’s performance thus far (0 and 4 start in SEC games three seasons in a row) combined with his history of rule breaking and hookers, generally puts him at odds with Petrie’s noble Creed, but aligns him perfectly with The Auburn Greed.

In closing, I once again submit corrupt academics and corrupt athletics go ‘hand in glove.’ I’ll spare readers the small hands, honour amongst thieves and OJ jokes, nonetheless I thought it wonderful when I would go to games cheering my students who actually attended classes with the rest of the student body. To have a student who’d return to AU after going pro early wanting to get back in my class claiming he learned so much dealing with accountants, agents, finance, etc. was indeed rewarding. It was my job to prepare them. Can’t imagine a time when this will again be an integral part of college prep of our professional athletes, anymore than I can imagine we’ll remove enough of the administrative pollutants at AU to make it worthy of my return… Deo Volente.

Postscript: I believe in Mike Hubbard politburo members in Lee County continue to prosper; most recently confirmed by Hubbard apologist Eddie Smith being installed as Felon Hubbard sycophant Fuller’s replacement for Opelika mayor. More recently we observe the “I believe in Mike Hubbard” Lee County Sheriff displaying AU style malice of 1st Amendment Civil Rights firing a Deputy bringing competition to Lee county’s low-turnout, uncompetitive elections: https://www.eaexaminer.com/post/jay-jones-terminates-deputy-cam-hunt-for-running-for-lee-county-sheriff?utm_campaign=9a1a4d3c-c64a-4be6-9f74-0ab7892166b7&utm_source=so&utm_medium=mail&cid=915391ad-1c60-4b4a-bb20-b8da786c797a. Kudos to John Brice breaking another report to shine light on the ‘media blackout’ enveloping this corrupt county.

THE VIEWS OF SUBMITTED EDITORIALS MAY NOT BE THE EXPRESS VIEWS OF THE ALABAMA GAZETTE.